Tuesday, December 15, 2015

If you would be so kind...

My $0.02: A while back, I told a friend that I had writer's block. They suggested I just start writing another story and let my subconscious work through the problems that I'm having with the first story. That worked fine, but now I've so many stories started, I don't know which to work on first. I could really use your help. I'm posting excerpts to my three latest writing pieces and would really appreciate some honest (>>braces herself<< "give it to me; I can take it.") feedback as to what you think about them. Thank you.

#1: Oddities:


Sam looked out the window from where he sat and saw the awning; once a blood red; now a faded pink. Even the white looked dingy.

            He sighed, “I should probably get a new one.” He breathed out another sigh, “what I really should do is to close the store; that would be best for all concerned.”

            “Ah, but remember, you promised you wouldn’t.”

            Sam looked back disinterested; knowing what he would see; the pointed ears, thick eyebrows and chiseled chin of his boss. Nodding, he turned back to the window.

            He felt claws on his shoulder, before he heard the voice, “And once you make a promise to me; there is no going back.” Sam moved his eyes to the left and saw the face close to his ear and breathed shallowly to keep from choking on the smoky breath.

            “Yes, I know. I have been meaning to talk to you about that Abaddon. You said I would be rich; that I would never have to worry about money again, but I’m not rich.”

            “Oh come now.” He squeezed Sam’s shoulder before taking a seat next to him, “I think you recall wrong. I don’t remember ever using the word ‘rich’.”

            Sam turned to look at him, “You told me I would never have to worry about anything again; that I would be comfortable.”

            Abaddon flicked an unseen thing from his pants, “And tell me; have you ever wanted for anything? Have you not a roof over your head. Do you not have gainful employment?”

            Sam stood and looked down at the creature incredulously, “Gainful employment? Gainful…” he broke off; too enraged to go on, “You deceived me; you told me I could run the shop anyway I wanted to. Why you had to come and bother me…”

            Abaddon stood suddenly, “You miserable cretin.”

Sam cowered from the thing that towered over him. The thing that stood before him now was hardly recognizable to the calm, collected being that had been seated on his couch only minutes before. Abaddon had grown in both height and girth, his skin was red, all his veins visible as ropes under his skin; writhing like a nest of snakes that had been disturbed. “You begged me to help you. You beseeched me to take you away from your pitiful existence. You knew what you were getting into.” He put a hand into his jacket pocket and pulling out a scroll, he shook it and it unrolled, “is this not your signature?” a long, black claw pointed to a red scrawling at the bottom of the page.

Sam didn’t have to look to know it was his. He remembered signing it; on the day he thought everything would end. Maybe if he had waited a little longer, looked for the good in life; instead of looking for the easy way out…

“Is it not?” the voice bellowed not only in his ears, but in his mind also.

Sam closed his eyes and turned away.

Abaddon, smiled satisfied, reverted to his regular size and color; rolled up the scroll and replaced it into a suit pocket.

“Now then” he looked at his wristwatch, “don’t you think it’s time that you opened the shop? People will be waiting; hmmm…?”

Sam nodded; knowing that any further communication wasn’t going to get him anywhere. He sighed, stood, grabbed his cap, pulled it on and walked towards the door.

Abaddon smiled, “I’ll see you down there then?”

Sam held up a hand, opened the door, pulled it closed after him and headed down the stairs. He thought as he counted the steps to the outer door. Twenty-one steps later, he stood out in the bright sunshine and squinted up at the sun, then looked across the street and saw the darkened shop; ANTIQUES was lettered in gold across the top of the window big and bold; the faded ODDITIES written on the awning seemed a dichotomy in mottled and weathered gray.

Each step he took towards the shop door, felt as though more and more weight piled onto his shoulders. Sam was a tall man, but he thought the weight compressed his 6’4” frame at least 3”. The light brown color leached from his skin as he got closer and closer to the store. The transformation in him completed when he finally unlocked the front door to the shop. His feet were like lead blocks and the effort to pick them up and put one in front of the other was more than Sam thought he could do. He flipped the light switch and pale yellow light illuminated the inside of the shop. Sam looked to the counter in the back.

“Come now; let me tell you what our goals are today.”

Sam felt the remaining color drain from his face as he saw the creature behind the counter. Putting a hand up he dragged it down his face; feeling the whiskers of his goatee. Each step he took bent him more and more, until he felt himself hunched over.

“I want you to push the doll to the third customer who walks into the door.” Sam saw the creature reach into the display case under the counter, and pull out a porcelain doll; dressed in a faded pink dress, white stockings and little black shoes. Abaddon held out the doll to Sam; who now stood next to him.

Sam looked at the doll and could swear that he could see the evil in the doll's dead, glassy, brown eyes.  He took a step back.

Abaddon tsked, “Come now; it’s not going to bite you.”

When Sam didn’t take it, he laid it on the counter, “Third customer, remember.”

While Sam watched, Abaddon disappeared and Sam breathed a sigh of relief. He squat to unlock the glass doors to the cabinet, put a hand on the counter, felt around for the doll and without looking at it put it into the cabinet; face down and closed the cabinet, straightening up and locking the glass doors.

The bell attached to the door sounded and he looked up and saw a man with two young children with him.

“May I help you find something?” in his mind Sam kept repeating, under his breath, ‘just turn around and go out the door. There’s nothing you want here.’

But the man kept coming, taking things out of his children’s hands as they picked them up.

“Excuse me, but do you have anything from the Victorian times?”

Sam was about to tell him no, when he heard a talon tapping from inside the showcase and looked down to see a miniature Abaddon pointing to a cameo pin. He hated the way this creature could be everywhere at any time.

Before he knew it, the little girl had broken from her father’s hand and ran to sit on the floor and press her hands and face against the front of the showcase, “Oo daddy, can I have that red doll?”

Sam watched as Abaddon was caught in the showcase and instantly became plastic-like.

The father approached the counter, dragging the younger boy, who was crying. He came to sit on the floor next to his sister.

“Look Joey, isn’t that a pretty doll? Don’t you think daddy should get it for us?”

They both looked up to their father. He rolled his eyes, “Okay, whatever.”  He took another look where his children were pointing, “and can I see that pin too?”

Sam nodded and unlocked the case. Reaching inside, he took out the pin and placed it on the counter. He was about to lock the cabinet when he heard the little girl’s voice.

“Daddy, didn’t you say we could see the red doll?”

Sam looked to the father, silently pleading with the father, not wanting such innocent souls to be subjected to the taint that came along with touching Abaddon. But the father nodded and said, “The red doll too please.”

“Of course sir.” Sam said, grabbing on to Abaddon by the waist and bringing him to the top of the case.

“Could you tell me a little bit about it?” the man said as he handed Abaddon down to his children who were jumping up and down trying to be the first to hold it.

“Yes sir. Well, legend has it that it was once owned by Lizzie Andrew Borden. And…”

The man held up his hands, “Wait, wait; THE Lizzie Borden? The one as in; Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks.”

Sam nodded and recited along with the man, “And when the job was nicely done, she gave her father forty-one.”  He nodded again, “Yes sir, the same one.”

He gave Sam an impressed look, “That’s pretty cool; in a macabre way.”

“If you say so sir.”

The man heard his children arguing and put the box on the top of the counter to break up the fight.

Sam picked it up and was about to put it back into the case. The man looked up from his children.

“I’ll take the pin.” Looking at his kids, he smiled, “and the little devil too.”

Sam stifled a laugh when he saw the two children putting Abaddon’s limbs in contortionist poses.

The man handed Sam the money, “Do you have a return policy if my wife doesn’t like it? It’s for her birthday.”

The cash register opened with a sickly ding, he handed the man his change, “Yes, she can bring it back anytime” ‘before it brings itself back; hopefully’ Sam added under his breath. Placing the pin in a rectangular black velvet box; it looked striking with the blood red silk as background. He showed it to the man and he nodded.  He placed it into a green paper bag with gold handles and gave it to the man.

The man nodded, “She’s always wanted something from that era; she’s a nut about it.” he took hold of the handles, “She’s going to die when she sees it.”

“I hope not”

The man looked at him questioningly, but then herded his children out the door.

Sam breathed a sigh of relief; Abaddon wouldn’t be around to bug him; for at least a couple of hours. He heard a sound like a pop and looked up to see a folded yellow blanket on the shelf. He knew it wasn’t there when he opened the store. He walked around the counter to just before the shelf.

“Did you get one?”

The blanket began to glow and then he felt the response in his mind, “No, I was found before I could assimilate.”

He nodded, “That’s good.” He backed away from the shelf, not trusting it, not wanting to be poisoned by the evilness that the blanket exuded, “that’s very good.”

When he felt he was far enough away, he turned and hurried back around the counter.



He closed the book he was reading when he heard the door chime.

A woman in her mid to late twenties walked in.

Stepping around the counter, he met her at the middle of the shop, “May I help you?”

“Yes, I’m doing a historic poetic reading and I was just wondering; do you have any antique dresses?”

“Hmm” he thought about the Salem witch dress; he knew that it was sold a week ago, but he thought that it had come back since then. He walked to the side of the store and began looking through the wardrobe hanging on the rod, “well, there was one, but I think it might have been sold. It was right…” he had come to the last piece of clothing, but then saw another appear, “no, I was mistaken; here it is.” He hated handing such a vile piece of cloth to this woman. To reconcile what he was doing, he kept thinking that maybe the people who actually bought items from his shop already had some stain on their souls and that’s what drew them here in the first place.

He held out the dress on the hanger.

She took it from him, “Oh, that’s perfect. I love the Victorian collar and everything.” She hugged it to her chest; making Sam cringe, “I’ll take it.”

He took the dress from her when she held it out, “Very good madam; come to the register and I’ll ring you up.”



She looked at herself in her bedroom mirror; liking what she saw.

“Missy?”

She turned to see her mom in the doorway; she came into the room, “What are you wearing?”

“I found it at the oddities store; it’s for my reading tonight.” she turned in a circle, “don’t you just love it?”

Her mother gave her a look, “Okay, whatever. Nana is waiting to see you.” she turned to leave the room. Missy followed, “Don’t you want to change first?”

She shook her head, "I want to show Nana; I think she'll love it.”

“Hmm” her mother let her go before her.

“Na-na” Melissa sang while walking down the stairs.

“Me-li-ssa” her Nana answered in a sing song, Italian accent.

They met at the bottom of the stairs.

Melissa watched her nana’s smile turn into a frown, then to a thin line she recognized as anger. Melissa felt her own smile falter.

“Go upstairs and take that off right now.” She thrust out her arm to emphasize her words.

“But Nana, I just bought this.”

She shook her head, “I don’t care, that’s evil thing, off now.”

Melissa put her arms around herself, “But Nana, I paid…”

She cut her granddaughter off, “And you will take back to the store and get your money back, now off now.” She stepped up and made a move to unbutton the dress.

Melissa knew she had no choice. She helped her grandmother unbutton then take off the dress. She watched as her nana held the dress in two fingers and opening the door, she stepped outside.

“Nana, where are you going?” she was torn between running up the stairs to get clothes on and following her nana to see what she was doing.

“Ugh” she said loudly and ran up the stairs.

Nana carefully held the dress out in front of her, “I know you. You no hurt my Melissa.”

She looked around and saw a roll of large, black plastic garbage bags. Placing the dress carefully on the ground and without taking her eyes off the dress, she opened the package, pulled one bag out, found the opening and shook it open. Taking it to the dress, she picked it up and held it above the garbage bag.

“Nana, what are you doing?”

Nana saw Melissa coming towards her. She quickly dropped the dress into the plastic bag, twisted the top and tied a knot in the top.

“Nana, why did you…”

She interrupted, “Here, you take this now and we go to the store to take it back.” she pushed her granddaughter towards the car, “come, I go with you.”

Melissa begrudgingly walked to the car, opened the door and got in, waiting for her nana to close her door.

Sam heard the bell above the door chime. He stowed the book he was reading under the counter and looked up.

“May I help you?” He recognized the woman from earlier today entering the store, followed by a small, elderly woman holding a large plastic bag gingerly in front of her.

“Yeah, uhm I want to return the dress I bought.”

“Okay, can I ask why?” He thought he knew the answer, but he had to ask.

“Well” Melissa began.

Nana walked in front of her, “I tell you why, because this thing is evil and you should be ashamed of yourself letting innocents buy such things.” She pushed the bag into Sam’s hands, “you give her back her money and she never come here again.”

Sam loved this old woman. That she saw through the façade to the truth filled him with hope yet fear.

“Of course. If you would just come to the register.”

“No, you bring money here, we go no further in.”

Sam nodded, “Of course, I’ll be right back.”

He walked to the back of the store, around the counter, placing the bag next to the register. Opening the cash drawer, he took out the money and walked back to the two women waiting. He held out the money to Melissa.

Melissa took the cash from Sam, “Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome, please come again.”

Melissa smiled and turned to follow Nana.

Nana turned to look at her granddaughter and shook a crooked finger in her face, “And you never come here again.” she looked around Melissa to Sam, “and you” she shook her finger at him as well; “you should go away from here too.” Sneering, she looked around the shop, “this place stinks of the evil one.” And they walked out the door.

Sam walked back to the counter thinking he old woman was right. But he also knew he would never be able to get out of his binding contract.  He sat down, pulled the scroll out of his pocket and began reading.


#2: Spiders:


Daron walked in the door and saw Terina and Danial sitting at the dining room table. He hung up his coat and put his shoes into the closet. Coming to the two at the table, he bent to kiss his wife and pound fists with his son.



He looked around, “Where’s Leila?”



Before Terina could answer, they heard screams coming from directly above them.



Daron ran and reached the staircase first; starting up the stairs, taking them two at a time. He reached his daughter’s room and threw open the door and was just in time to catch a flying stuffed bear that was headed for his face. Stepping into the room, he took in the mess of the room; a little girl he had never seen before was standing on the bed; throwing anything within reach at something on the floor; Leila was sitting in the farthest corner of the bed, facing the wall, her hands over her helmet.



He could hear his daughter screaming, “CALL 911!!!”



The other girl was also screaming, “AHHHHH…IT’S GOING TO EAT US!!”



Keira grabbed at the lamp on the nightstand; readying to throw it; Daron quickly ran to stop her. Taking the lamp from her, he put it back in its place.



He looked around on the floor for the crawling creature that made his daughter act this way.



“It just went under the bed.” Danial said.



Daron squatted, lifting the bed cover to look where his son was pointing.



He felt a tap on his shoulder and looked up to find Terina standing there, holding out a tissue, “Here, use this.”



He took it from her and dropped to his stomach to look under the bed again, and found the offending 8 legged creature crawling away from him. Moving further under the bed, he reached out and using the tissue, he grabbed for it. He scooted out from under the bed, holding the tissue tightly in his hand. Standing, he opened the tissue and saw the crumpled mess.



“Did you get it?”



It was Keira who asked, but they all looked at him, waiting for the answer.



“Yes, I did”



A sigh of relief was heard all around.



“Are you sure?”

He looked at Leila, she held her visor open slightly. Terina had her arm around her and the other girl was on seated on the other side of her.



“Do you want to see?”



Leila shrank back. Daron turned to dispose of the tissue.



“I want to see.” Danial said.



Leila closed her visor and hid her face in her mother’s chest.



“Wow, that’s cool.” Danial said.



Daron turned once again to go.



“Can I see?”



He turned to see the girl who moments ago was throwing things at the creature. He realized he didn’t even know who this child was, “What’s your name?”



“She’s Keira from next door.” Danial offered.



“Well Keira from next door; are you sure you want to see?”



She nodded and walked on the bed to where Daron stood. Putting a hand on him to steady herself, she watched as he unfolded the tissue.



He watched Keira as he showed her what lay inside the tissue. She gave a look of surprise, then frowned.



“What’s wrong?”



She stepped away from him, “I feel bad; he was pretty.” She looked over her shoulder, “Look Leila, it has nice eyes.”



Leila didn’t answer, just sat there unmoving.



#3: Quick Changes:

Two more days, he thought, then he would get his phone back and be back at his flat. He didn’t even get a chance to text Preti that he would be gone for a week. Well, he knew he was leaving, but it wasn’t supposed to be until Monday morning. Sure, he could have told her before, and he would have on Friday, but how was he to know that his parents would be waiting for him at his flat; imagine, opening the door after an office party, turning on the light and finding your father sitting; back completely straight, feet flat on the floor. Luv’s saving grace was that he wasn’t in the mood to drink, so at least he didn’t stagger through the door drunk and have to hear a thirty-minute dissertation from his father on how he himself had never taken one drop in his whole life and how Luv should follow in his footsteps. But before he knew what was happening, they rushed him out the door, onto a waiting auto rickshaw, off to the metro station and onto a train for an eight hour ride home.
He learned the hard way that when he was in his father’s company, he could not be on his phone. His father held out his hand and Luv handed him his phone and watched it disappear into his father’s shirt pocket. That was five days ago.
The week started out okay; seeing old friends, eating the food he had been dreaming about and seeing his grandmother. Catching up with old childhood friends and seeing the newest movie. He was just about to take a nap, when he heard his mother calling him.
“Oh Luv, come sit with me.” His mother sang out sweetly.
He knew his mother; he knew he was probably walking into some kind of trap, but he didn’t think he really had a choice.
Walking into the room, he saw his father; mother, grandmother, uncle and a woman he thought he recognized, but couldn’t place, sitting around the table. It looked like some kind of inquisition. He took two steps back, but his uncle saw him before he could retreat to safety.
“Ah, there he is the man of the hour.” Rohan; his paternal uncle stood, came closer to Luv, put an arm around him and directed him to an empty chair, opposite the unknown woman, his grandmother on one side, his father on the other. He felt a his uncle’s hand gently push him down into the chair.
His mother “You remember Auntie Sundari, she was the one who found Samar for Vidya.”
Luv felt all the blood drain from his face; he suddenly knew who this woman was. A marriage arranger. His elder sister Vidya’s marriage arranger to be exact. He started to get up, but his uncle, still with his hand on Luv’s shoulder gently, but firmly held him down.
Sundari smiled, “I’ve a lot of nice women that will make good mothers for your children.”
“Look at this one Luv; she is a nice looker with good teeth.” His mother; Sita pushed a picture over to him.
He looked first at his mother, then down at the picture. He was a bit taken aback; the woman did indeed have good teeth, but what he couldn’t stop looking at was not her face…well, not all of it at least. What he couldn’t stop looking at was the mustache she sported. It was not just a shadow or play of light on some wayward hairs here or there. It was a full, dark mustache; one that made his modest mustache and goatee seem like peach fuzz. And it was right there; below her nose and above a prettily shaped lip painted with pink lip gloss. The dichotomy mesmerized him. He could not stop staring.
“I can see that you are quite taken with her, would you like to know her name?” Auntie Sundari said.
His grandmother leaned over and looked at the picture he held, “What is that on her lip?” she took the picture from Luv for a better look, she glared at Sundari, “is this one of those he/she’s?”
Sundari put a hand to her chest, “No, I assure you she is all natural woman.”
The picture was passed to Luv’s father, “No son of mine is going to marry such a woman.” He tossed the picture to Sundari face down, “what else do you have?”
Sundari; a bit put off, bent down to her bag, pulled out a manila envelope. Opening it, she pulled out several folders. She chose one and opened it, unclipped a picture and looked at it, “She is a medical technologist, a good job, a good family, a very cute girl.” she handed it across the table, to Luv.
Picking up the picture, he saw a very pretty girl. Her hair in a thick, long braid that was draped over one shoulder. He heard his father’s sound next to him; a kind of ‘she’s not too bad’ grunt. Luv’s father took the picture from him.
“What’s wrong with her?”
Auntie Sundari smiled widely, “No, nothing.”
Luv’s father stared at the woman until her smile faded.
She sighed and shrugged, “She may be a bit small.”
“Huh? What do you mean a bit small?” Luv’s grandmother asked.
Sundari kind of squirmed in her seat, “Just a bit shorter than normal.”
“How much shorter?” Luv’s uncle asked.
Sundari smiled again, “Well, there is not a reference, so what am I to say?”
Luv tried to help. Standing, he said, “Okay, I’m this tall.” He put a hand up, even with the top of his head, “Is she this tall?” he put a hand up even with his shoulder.
“Maybe a bit shorter.” Sundari answered.
Luv moved it down to halfway down his upper arm, “Here?”
“Maybe a little bit” she held up a hand, the distance between her thumb and forefinger about two inches.
Luv’s father stood, “Enough of this.” He faced Sundari, “How tall is the woman?”
“Well” she stood and rounded the table to stand near Luv, “maybe here.” She held a hand even with his waist.
Everyone was speechless. Luv was the first to recover, he faced her, “So, she’s 150 cm?”
“Hmmmmaybe a little less.”
“Look, how tall is she?” Luv’s father was fed up.
“137 cm” Sundari blurted.
Luv sat down, “So I would be over 40 cm taller than her?”
“And the other one?” Luv’s father pointed to the folders at Sundari’s place.
“Oh, she is a lovely girl”
Luv’s father held his hand out to her, “Give her picture to me, I will decide.”
Luv stood just inches taller than his father, looking at the picture in his father’s hand, he saw a middle aged woman.
“How old is she?” Luv asked a little upset by all of this.
Sundari smiled, “You must understand, it is getting towards the end of the season.”
Vikaram was not smiling, “Do you have any women between the ages of twenty-five and twenty-eight?”
Sundari motioned to the mustached woman, “She is…”
“Without facial hair, at least 165 cm.” Vikaram’s face was red now.
Sundari saw everyone looking at her, waiting. She lowered her head, “No”
“We are done here then.” Vikaram threw the pictures of the women unceremoniously in Sundari’s direction.
She put the pictures in the folders, put them back into the envelope and into her bag, “If I find some, I will call.”
“Yes, yes, yes.” Vikaram waved her away.
The women left; Luv, his father and his uncle were left.
“I will look for a good match don’t worry.” Rohan also left the room.
“What was that?”
His father looked at him, “You should be getting married. You have a good job, you make good money, it’s time for you to marry and have a good life. You’ve had your fun; it’s time to be a man.”
              “But I told you I don’t want to be arranged.”
              His father looked at his hands and stayed quiet.
Luv tried to appeal to his softer side, “Please, I don’t want to be forced to marry someone I don’t love.”
              His father made a sound of disgust, “Love is a myth; stop chasing dreams. What’s real is to get a good match, have good, strong, intelligent children and live your life.”
              He controlled the anger he felt. He respected his father, but on this he would stand strong. He had to think what to say, he knew if he lost his temper now, his father would only see him as a rebellious child. He slowed his breathing, when he felt calm, he began, “You told me you would let me choose?”
              “That was three years ago and what do you have to show for it? Are you engaged? Even close to getting engaged? Do you even have a girl you at least like?”
              Luv shook his head, “I won’t be arranged; I’ll run away if I have to.”
              “Leave him alone”
              They both turned to see his grandmother coming towards them.
              His father tutted, “Mami, please stay out of it.”
              She came to her grandson, took his face in her hands and smiled at him, “My Luv.” She pulled him from his seat, “you go see what Vimla is cooking, go.” She smiled and watched him leave.
              “Mami, you should not have let him go. You should have stayed out of it.”
              “Ah, the way I left you alone when your father wanted you to marry; and you were older than Luv is now, or do you not remember; the girl with the nose for the face?”
              “Yes, but”
              She held up a finger, “And, you were married not long after that.”
              “Yes, but”
              She held up a finger again, “And?”
              He sighed, getting her point, “And it turned out well.”
              She smiled and touched her son’s face, “He is just like you. And, like you, he will find his own way.”
              He looked to the doorway, “But Mami, I worry about him.”
              Her face was kind, “That’s what makes you a good father.”
              He looked down at his hands, “He hates me.”
              “Nonsense, he loves you. It’s just that you two are too alike; two headstrong men.”
              “I just hope he will find his way.”
              She waved a hand, “He will be fine. Just see.”
              Luv went directly to his father’s office, to his desk, to the bottom drawer and retrieved his phone.  Turning it on, he looked at all the missed messages. He smiled when he saw a message from the leader of the touring motorcycle club he belonged to. Reading it quickly, before he could be found out. A trip was being scheduled for Friday. Luv sent a message back, saying he would be there; something to look forward to. Next, he opened the app that he and Preti communicated on, he saw there were at least three pages of messages, but he had to close it quickly when he heard his name being called.
              “Luv? Come to dinner.”
              “Coming” he said as he turned off and replaced his phone into the desk drawer.